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Do you believe in the power of one person?
Speaker: Gu Hye Sun
G–Hello. I am Gu HyeSun.
Q–(question is posed on the top left of the screen; what is inside parenthesis is my own insertions) What made you start a one-person production company?
G–At first, I had no thought of starting a one person company. It was more a strong feeling. You know..the feeling of having fallen in love Even if the people around you are begging and discouraging you, you cannot help but to do it. Strong feeling filled me up and I felt that if I don’t do it now, I can never do it.
Q–Difficulties of being a one-person company?
G–After having written my first scenario, I knocked on the doors to many production companies. However, no one wanted to make a movie out of my script. That is how I came to open up my own one-person production company.
It is not easy to obtain funding for movies. Many thinks that I will have easier time in the public relations area just because I am bit more known to the public and therefore distributing the information would be less costly. They mistakenly think that I can bring in investors more easily. However, absolutely not a single person would ever think it easy to invest his/her own money. There is no guarantee of success.
Q–Power of one director Gu HyeSun…
G–When I produced my first movie, I had a lot of big homework to do. I think I had about 5 different homework.
First one was becoming independent from funds/money. How much one earns is important but there is also a big danger of losing it all. When I confronted the question of whether I can deal with losing all the money, I did not have the confidence in the beginning. Would I be able to tolerate throwing away money that I earned working hard days and nights of my 20’s? It was a work that I can only start if I had the courage to lose it all. In the beginning, I did not have the confidence to lose it. I thought, can I deal with it? If I just continue to do what I am doing, I can just earn a comfortable living. Do I really want to make a movie and make my life unnecessarily stressful? I worried a lot about it. Can I really become independent from funds/money? In a way, it was a task of mental independence. (risk losing hard-earned money)
Second homework is family. It is hard to talk about family. I am over 20 and working as an actress with some fame. Then a thought suddenly came to me: who am I? Who am I? Born a daughter to a father and a mother, working hard to perhaps to be praised and to be loved. But, what do I like? What do I want to do? If I had such thoughts as a teenager, it would have been better but those thoughts came to me in my 20’s. That is how I started to think about whether I can become metally independent from my family. (becoming her own person, not just a daughter, sister, a bound social role)
Third one is about others’ views–being conscious of others. I will be criticized a lot. Critics will criticize me a lot. Would I be independent from it? Can I feel free from that? That was my third homework. (being her own person against all odds)
Fourth had to do with becoming independent from feeling jealous of others. In a way, jealousy was one of the driving force of my life. I feel like I have lived my life being jealous of some persons. Somehow I did not have the strength without it. That person is prettier than I am; that person gets better marks than I do, etc. I feel like I have lived being jealous of others. But, one day, I realized that it was also breaking me down. It was a source of strength but I realized that the energy from it was too strong. It can also be argued that compared to others I am the one who is most poor and getting older. So, can I become independent from jealousy? Whether I can acknowledge and accept others was my fourth homework. (accepting what is a natural reality, whether cruel or unfair and unavoidable—it it even more blatant in the celebrity world)
Last one is an obvious one. My self-esteem/respect where my pride hangs. You know the saying, ?ja-ppuk attitude or giving yourself ppuck? It may sound like being immersed in narcissism. Don’t I have to feel good about myself? Regardless of what others may say, shouldn’t I be able to say I am ok and be a comfort to me? Pride and self-respect. Can I become independent from them?
In total, these homework can be thought of as working towards mental freedom/independence. I felt that I needed to work on them to live as a one person.
I think I compared myself a lot with others. I compared my thinking with others and I berated. I felt like I did not live my life well and I continually thought life so unfair. What is interesting is that other people would look at me and think the same way towards me. (laughter) But, I was also comparing myself to others in my own way. Comparison may be one of the most definite and clear way of exposing oneself, but comparison is also one of the most pitiful way of exposing oneself. it was turning me into a shabby and miserable person. Then one day, I met a teacher who said, “Hyesun-ah, life is not fair. right?” I told her yes. I thought some are born with so much more. And, since I wanted to make a movie, I would think that some people are able to make such grand movies and yet how come I cannot? But, the teacher then said to me, “All becomes balanced and fair with time.” It may not be a wow statement but what she said at that time really hit something in me. No one can move against the passing of time and the seasons. One can always be replaced; nobody can remain the same. There will always be something new, new people, new content and/or new personalities will always appear and I will be just continuing to get older. But, if I accept that fully and acknowledge who I am, I felt that it is ok and right to gradually fill up my own life with what makes me happy and satisfied.
These days we use internet and handphones a great deal. People seem to be clearly defining what should be happiness or hopes and talk about how they cannot be happy without it. But, there cannot be absolute standards for such things. I feel that if each person has his/her very own personal standard of happiness, wouldn’t we all be much happier?
If I can have a dream, I would really like to be free from all of these things. Some people may feel their life rewarding by having goals or by accomplishing somehing. But, for me, I would like to be free from such thoughts. I want to do my work with more joy. That is my dream. Is it too abstract? I wish it was something more clear, but my dream is not to become that specific something of a person.
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Translation credit: cheerko @ soompi